I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
