I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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