I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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