Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
