i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
