if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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