OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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