My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
