If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
