we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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