his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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