If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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