did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
where am i from again
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
