This is not my ceiling
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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