3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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