i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
