sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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