isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
