How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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