under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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