return my video game
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
