Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
