SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
