I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
