just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
