$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
