how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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