Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
