Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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