One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
