He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
