Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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