M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
