I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had to coat check the pizza.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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