this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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