I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
