Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
