Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
