i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
