And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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