I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
