What did we do last night that was yellow?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
