I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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