I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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