Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
