Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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