I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
