God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
