when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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