Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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